Probably one of my biggest blessings and greatest trials is being a Mom. I won't lie to you, nurturing is not something that comes naturally to me. I have to force myself to listen to my kids, force myself to wrestle with my kids (one of their favorite pasttimes) and sometimes, force myself to overlook the piles and piles (and piles) of laundry and just keep going for another day. Friday was a really hard Mommy day for me. I didn't want to be a mom. I was burnt out and I didn't want to fight the kids on doing their chores and eating their chicken before they got dessert. I didn't have the strength and energy to argue about how much TV time they got or whether they had to take a nap or not. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and hide and sleep and read...anything but be a Mom. I kept thinking to myself, "What's wrong with me? Why don't I WANT to be a mother today?" I think the hardest thing about motherhood, is that we don't get a break. It's a 24-7 job. We still work at 2 am when my 8 year old has a nightmare or when my 6 six year old wet the bed or when my 3 year old just wants to sleep by me. It's exhausting. Do you ever have days like this or is it just me??? So Saturday I left the kids with Daddy for several hours and went out to think (and shop--it's therapeutic for me). I got some lunch and just sat in a parking lot with the windows down and the sun shining on my face, contemplating my role as a mother and why I was so frustrated. I said a little prayer hoping for some sort of inspiration. Soon, I began to see what the problems/solutions were:
1. I was not taking good enough care of myself. I can't be a good Mom when I'm "on empty." I NEED to exercise, read my scriptures, go outside, and have a bit of quiet time EVERYDAY in order to be a good Mommy. 2. I need to ENJOY my kids. Why is that so hard for me? Maybe because I'm a busy-body who is constantly multitasking. But my kids just want me. UNDIVIDED, NON-MULTITASKING ME to play with them and laugh with them and joke with them...WITHOUT trying to accomplish 5 other tasks at the same time. 3. This may seem like a silly analogy but I also decided that my kids are kinda like my puppy. They need to go on walks to get their energy out. They need to be loved and pet and fed and praised just like our puppy. It's easy to ignore the puppy when there's a billion things to do but when I take the time to NURTURE the puppy, I find that I actually LIKE the puppy.
So there you have it. Things to work on. Growing as a parent.
This morning I saw this video from a lovely blog that I adore called Nie Nie Dialogues. She is a member of my Church and a blogger Mommy who was burned in an airplane crash. It made me cry. It's just what I needed to see to remember and appreciate my important role called MOTHER. Happy Mother's Day!